Does it ever end?

I am so damn tired of being sore and having my body fall apart one piece at a time. It is a pain in the ass because I can't afford to keep going back and forth to the doctor just for them to tell me I need to go see someone else. It sucks knowing that there is something wrong and not having the ability to have it fixed or even looked at. Between my breast and my overies I'm really wishing I was a guy right about now. I'm tired of being told well don't worry about it it's probably nothing serious by people who won't even take the time out to check. Things aren't suppose to hurt or be sore constantly, nor are they suppose to have lumps or tenderness when you touch them. But unless you have tons of money around here getting answers to things is almost impossible. I'm at the point I'm just like screw it. Why even bother trying to get better when the doctors apprently don't care if I do or not.

Real love

I know many people have been in relationships where they are told that they are loved by the other person then it turns out to be a bunch of bull. Sadly I know that feeling too. I had gotten to the point where I doubted very seriously if I would ever actually know what it was like to be loved by someone else. To my amazement it happened. He came out of no where and showed me that love doesn't hurt or make you sad but lifts you up and holds you. He showed me that not everyone is here to tear you down, some people are here to lift you up. He loved me when I didn't even love myself, now that is some powerful love. His love doesn't come with conditions or stipulations, he just loves me for me. My faults, my problems, my crazy weirdness, through it all he still loves me. He doesn't love me inspite of my faults he loves me beacuse they are me. He doesn't try and change me or make me to be something he wants. I'm accpeted for who I am. I know that if it ever came to it he'd lay his life down for mine. This my friends is what real love is all about. Its such a powerful thing love is. It breaks down walls and brings together people. It gives us hope and light in the midst of our darkness. It by far is the most wonderful thing there is.

Sick and Tired

I get so damn tired of people who think they know something or someone passing judgement. I get so damn tired of folks pretending to be someone's friend just to turn around and use them later. What the fuck is wrong with these people? Why is it you feel the need to poision the world with your very exsistance? I'm tired of having to defend my beliefs and thoughts because some closed minded biggot doesn't agree with them. Who the fuck died and made you god. Fuck, people sit and pass judgement on somoene based off a fucking screen name. Are you fucking kidding me? Since when did a damn screen name start defining who the hell a person was? So I guess its now a crime to have a fucking imagination? There are crazy ass people who sit and think that the internet is all there is in life and then get pisssed when the people on it don't bow to their every fucking whim. I'm so tried of people thinking that I have to blow sunshine and flowers up their ass in order to be a nice person or one that has something valid to say. Fuck I swear I'm really starting to just hate people. Its probably a good thing I'm not in charge of things around here. We'd have a lot less people in this country if I were. Ok I feel better, thats my rant for the day.

Shadows

I walk along the shadows oblivious to those around me
Never stepping into the light
I stay hiding under the cover of darkness
A creature of the night
I hear the whispers of others
And see their evil glares
Their words are pierced in hatred
Because they have no idea I’m there
I am always ever watchful
I hear what is in their hearts
Always in the shadows
Hidden by the dark
I see them on the other side
And give a passing nod
I watch my children closely
You see I am their god.

Friendship

In my life I have gone through some shit with people and through it all I've learned a few things. The biggest thing I've learned is what real friendship is. I'm not talking about these people who pretend to be your friends when everything in your life is going smoothly I'm talking about real friends. The ones who at 3am will come and pick you up from being stranded and not complain about the time or distance. I'm talking about the ones who will offer you a place to sleep at night when you have no where else to go. Real friends who are there for you not just when times are great but when you're so low that you can't even stand. They are the ones who are lifting you back to your feet and holding you up while you learn to walk again. In my lifetime I have run across a lot of different people, some who called themselves my friends and others who have proven to be so much more.

These are the people that I am thankful for they have given me words of inspriation when I was lost. They have lifted my spirits when I was out of hope. They have opened their homes and their hearts to me and my family. They are to me the truest definintion of what friendship is all about. They show love and kindness not because they have to or because they will get something in return but because they truely care and are truely good people.

To all my friends and you know who you are, thank you for being there and thank you for loving me the way you have. You are all very special and imporatant to me and I love each and every one of you.

To everyone who likes to be fake.

Fuck you to those who don't like the topic of this post.
Fuck you to everyone who pretends to be something you're not.
Fuck you to those who are using people just to futher yourself and at no reguard to others feelings.
Fuck you to fake ass people and fake ass friends.
Fuck you to eveyone who has no desire to love and respect people in this world.
And a big giant massive FUCK YOU.. to people who think its a weakness to love someone or to care or to show any type of human fucking emotion once in a fucking while. You my friend can drop dead and go to hell. Its not weakness to love and to want to be loved in return its not weakness to hurt when those you care about use you and treat you like shit. So FUCK YOU.

oh and if this post offends anyone then guss what FUCK YOU TOO.